Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Peaceful Points of Reference

What are your most peaceful points of reference?

Anyone familiar with the peaceful work of the Revolutionary Climatological Needlepoint Committee will know that world peace starts here.  In fact, world peace starts everywhere but it is always better to remind yourself that it starts with you, right where you happen to be at any particular moment.

Most permanent, ethereal members of the committee have experienced the atmosphere in both its former integrity and current difficulty, hence their expertise.  They have certainly been examining science and history with the appropriate excellence such pursuits deserve, which is why all members of the committee are aware that there is a revolution occurring in the world's atmosphere at present, and it is caused by people.

There is much concern within the committee that the revolution has already spread to the surface of the earth, in the oceans as well as on land.  To counteract its ill effects, the members have obviously been examining primitive notions, the history of needs and needles, symbols and thimbles, trust and trussing, and various points of geometry, chemistry and human health, as well as observational difficulties.

Like needles, the atmosphere of the earth is thin.  It is also beautiful and fragile.  The committee members are not sure if this is why representatives of a fashionable female form in recent decades have also been painfully thin and perhaps even unhealthy.  You may be able to provide the members with some insights into the matter, or any other matters currently receiving their attention.

All members of the committee are obviously interested in such matters as standards.  They have therefore been discussing benchmarking, knitting, obelisks and paresthesia. They are particularly fascinated by instruments used for measurements.  Several committee members are also fascinated by musical instruments, though they are not quite sure how to play a magnetic cartridge.

Having so many suitably peaceful points of reference is certainly advisable here in my salon.  In fact, I am a member of the aforementioned committee myself though I rarely have time to attend meetings nowadays.

Every member of the committee is required to know the difference between a hypothetical problem and a hypodermic one, as well as understanding the aesthetic limits of peacefully useful arts.  This certainly extends to peaceful language.

The committee has recently concluded that all forms of pollution should be treated as non-artistic graffiti.  Just as tattooing should aesthetically be perceived as epidermal defacement, language is degraded whenever it is inappropriately aggressive and/or intrusive.

Whimsical, unauthorised public displays of yarn should never be described as bombing.  In a similar way, fictional narratives of violent deaths should not be equated with entertainment, and the use of technology for the preservation of imagery in photographic form should not be equated with shooting.

At the same time, instruments capable of firing needle-like projectiles should never be used in polite company or near strangers, as all members of the committee with no doubt agree.  Nor should potentially damaging gases, solids or liquids be fired into the air, oceans or landscapes, whether for commercial or political purposes.

Here in Adelaide, investigations are continuing as to whether world peace has started in this vicinity.  Several important reports have been written on the subject in recent years.  I hope you will find them to be peaceful points of reference:

Report one

Report Two

Report Three

Report Four

Report Five

Report Six

Report Seven

Report eight